A Hui Hou

I figure a good way to get started with moving on is to acknowledge where I've been.

And I've realized that I never really did say goodbye to Hawaii. Our intention when we left for Sonoma was to drink alot of wine and then return again. We planned on keeping our house, keeping our friends, even keeping a little bit of the pigeon that we picked up. Noah still sometimes slips up and says "shi-shi" and introduced me as Auntie Jill instead of Mrs. X at school a few weeks ago (brought a bunch of blank stares from the kids, but tears to my eyes). I always thought we'd use the time on the mainland to get a bit ahead financially to figure out how to afford 12+ years of private school or for me to figure out how to wrap my head around possibly homeschooling.

Almost four years later, I'm finally wrapping my head instead around the fact that the Noah has entered kindergarten in a public school, we had another baby (I was a few months pregnant in our farewell picture below), sold our house in Kailua, bought and gutted a house here in Marin, and are likely planted in CA soil for a good long while.

(Bye to our house with tons of light and high ceilings and friends on everyside)

I have to admit this relocation has come more easily to the rest of the family than to me. Michael feels challenged and appreciated at his job here, loves commuting on a ferry every day and is totally onboard with the healthy Marin lifestyle. Noah barely remembers Hawaii other than a few friends and what he sees in pictures. Chloe would have made a perfect keiki with her olive complexion and absolute love of the water and sand, but doesn’t know any different. My soul, however, still longs to wake up in bed to the sounds of the birds (I even miss the rooster!), to live year round in flip-flops and shorts, to feel the warm trade winds and to walk on the beach with Kalapawai coffee and our salty wet dog by my side. But day by day, the new memories we’re making here challenge me to believe that I would miss our lives here too if we ever had to leave.

That said, one of the things I really miss our circle of Stroller Stride moms that grew up together with our kids during our workouts near the beach. I’ve moved around often enough to know that eventually an acquaintance moves beyond politeness and curiosity, to honesty and true friendship. In Hawaii that period seemed to happen in a matter of a few months, or split seconds - depending on the person, and before you knew it you were carrying a dish over for dinner or giving your kids baths together outside in some blow up swimming pool to steal a few more minutes of conversation before heading home. I’m not sure if it is because I’m older and maybe more reserved, or if the second child creates a time restraint on socialization and inhibits much possibility for deep conversation, or because Oahu is the epitome of small town, relaxed lifestyle where you run into one another constantly and is a truly unique place to make friends - but it is taking us much longer to form those kind of kick-back, drop in, help yourself to the frig type of relationships. Or, maybe this is just our time of life to drop our kids off at school, pick them up, hang out inside during afternoon naps and then make/eat dinner to get up and do it all again? It feels very solitary and empty sometimes.

Hence, I’ve created this reflection time of blogging to figure out how to make it all better. And I asked my mom for her input and what she remembers from her life during this period? We surmised that that’s when her soap opera addiction began. It was her way of peeking into another world (and Days of our Lives and Santa Barbara …) and enlarging her own while being cocooned in her own house.
(Can I mention that I'm pretty certain this is the same picture I used for my hair inspiration for my senior prom?)

Interestingly enough, I’m wondering if this current generation of moms is instead turning to blogging, forums or internet use to fulfill that same need? The mother’s forum I join each year is up over 1000 participants. Turns out a mom that I carpool with also randomly reads one of my favorite blogs, “Young House Love”. A classmate of Noah’s has a fun mom that started her own blog called “Modern Homestead”. My cousin is off in Ethiopia and keeps everyone updated about their missionary work. The list goes on and on. Blogs are great way to communicate and share a bunch of random information (I’m trying to grow my own SCOBY for kombucha from directions on a blog), but I’ve found that they’re filling a need for community and companionship for anyone living a solitary lifestyle (SAHM, work from home or the road professional, retireree, etc).

So, I’m raving about Blogging today and the therapeutic aspect of having to frame your thoughts into words with the accountability that someone out there might actually read them! I’m raving about the information that is at our fingertips because someone has taken the time to write out what they know or think. I’m raving about my experience reading blogs and feeling inspired or touched or amused by someone else’s thoughts, even if I’ve never met them. I’m also reaching out to anyone that loves the internet but also loves personal contact even more and to applaud you for it.

My plan of action from writing this post is: to take an exercise class again.